Mr Williamsburg, Revolutionary ideas on real estate!Hampton Roads Virginia

This was authored by Williamsburg VA resident Jill Carter it originally appeared in the VA Gazette and is now on Facebook. Just thought I would share.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM WILLIAMSBURG WHEN:
1.You can get to the Williamsburg Regional Library…without using Rt. 60 or 199.
2.You were excited when Lowe’s opened.
3.You know who has right-of-way at Confusion Corner.
4.When you hear “It’s tourist season,” you automatically think to pull out your guns.
5.You know seven different ways to get to one place.
6.You know your way around William and Mary…but you’re not a student.
7.You see someone getting excited about pictures from Colonial Williamsburg, and you usually follow up with a story beginning with “I was there once with my friends…”
8.You have a sudden urge to back slap every little child you come across wearing colonial garb with tennis shoes.
9.Seeing someone dressed in colonial clothing at 7-11 or a grocery store no longer fazes you.
10.You know where the Amphitheatre is.
11.You use Kidsburg more as a teenager than you ever did while a child.
12.And it’s usually after dark.
13.You know where to find radioactive jellyfish.
14.Busch Gardens is a regular hangout place.
15.You know at least five people that work at Busch Gardens.
16.You drive past a historic landmark at least three times a day.
17.You make fun of said historic landmarks.
18.You visit the neglected corpses in Colonial Williamsburg.
19.You know who “Kennedy” is.
20.You have at least one friend who was born in Williamsburg.
21.Most of your graduating class is going to VA Tech, VCU, CNU, JMU, or William and Mary.
22.You don’t have to look at some one’s license plate to know that they’re a tourist. They just suck at driving.
23.You say “The Climbing Tree” and everyone knows what you’re talking about.
24.You’ve been swimming at College Creek, despite the radioactive waters.
25.You actually know where College Creek is.
26.You know where the signs on the Parkway switch from “Do Not Pass” to “Pass With Care.”
27.You can think of at least five bed-and-breakfasts off the top of your head.
28.You know that when people say “The Sunken Gardens,” they are actually referring to a rather large field with sidewalks.
29.You know what “LP” means.
30.And you don’t care.
31.You know where the “Four Minute Stoplight” is.
32.Everyone else in the country is excited about Jamestown 2007. You’re dreading it because you won’t be able to get out of your neighborhood.
33.You know the ferry schedule.
34.And you were happy when they FINALLY made it free!
35.Your friends find really cheap gas and call EVERYONE they know. Even people they haven’t talked to in at least six months.
36.You know where at least three thrift stores are. And none of them are run by the same organization.
37.You’re at PBK more than the college students are.
38.You know what PBK is.
39.Two of the most feared words in consecutive order: Grand Illumination.
40.You know about the free parking garage.
41.You know where “The Underground” is.
42.You know that “The Underground” and the free parking garage are the same place.
43.And you marvel at the fact that tourists are willing to pay $9 to park.
44.You remember when the Cheese Shop was not in Merchant’s Square.
45.You were sad when Baskin Robins and The Blue Talon burned.
46.You’re bloody pissed that the College Delly is turning into another damned Starbucks.
47.And you know that the new Starbucks will give the greater Williamsburg area 8 Starbucks total. And that pisses you off, too.
48.You know at least 4 Polish people and at least 5 Russians.
49.You know the double meaning behind the name of “Lafayette” High School.
50.You remember when Jamestown High did not exist.
51.You remember when 199 East did not exist.
52.The construction of 199 affected your family’s finances.
53.Your house could be considered a historic landmark.
54.The Colonial Williamsburg Foundation can make you repaint your house because “it’s not the right colour.”
55.You can’t remember the last time Lafayette High had a good JV Football team.
56.You know which of the middle schools used to be a high school.
57.You still don’t understand the school redistricting.
58.You’ve been busted by the William and Mary cops.
59.You know one of these people: Brian Ready or Jessica Harms.
60.You know who Mr. Snyder is. And you cringe in fear at the mention of his name.
61.You know where New Kent is.
62.You know three different ways to get to Newport News. And none of those ways involve 64 or 199.
63.You know how to pronounce the words “Chickahominy,” “Poquoson,” “Boutetourte,” and “Gloucester.”
64.You know who the Guinea Men are.
65.You remember BEFORE Wawa. And you were so happy when we finally got one!
66.You managed to live six months without a movie theatre.
67.You know what “Tommy Tech,” “CW,” and “The Burg” are.
68.You know EXACTLY what faults there are in Disney’s version of “Pocahontas.”
69.And you’ve practically smacked every little kid that asked where the waterfall was.
70.Mapquest got directions to your house wrong.
71.You don’t think Norfolk Airport should be considered an international airport just because it goes to Puerto Rico. After all, Puerto Rico is one of the United States’ territories.
72.You know what bars Colin Farrell frequented while filming “The New World.”
73.You hear “Hurricane Warning” and get excited because you’ll probably have at least three days off from school.
74.Noreasters don’t bother you anymore.
75.You know where the “Hurricane Evacuation Route” is, but you’ve never actually had to use it.
76.You’ve heard about the time that “Lafayette High School almost blew up.”
77.You most likely knew one of the people responsible for that.
78.You know what the real name of Confusion Corner is.
79.You hear that we have a really good chance of getting snow, and we never see a flake.
80.When we really do get snow, a half-inch will get us out of school for at least one day.
81.You can name over half the restaurant on Restaurant Row.
82.You know what Restaurant Row is.
83.You spent time in “learning cottages” during elementary, middle, or high school, or more than likely, all three.
84.You’ve memorized the layout of Busch Gardens (including a few shortcuts).
85.You wish Sno-to-Go was open year-round, despite freezing temperatures in the fall/winter.
86.You think Presidential Park was the biggest waste of any one’s money EVER.
87.Yet you still go there just to pretend to pick the Presidents’ noses.
88.You know at least two Fife and Drummers.
89.You freaked out the day Target came to town and immediately started calling it “tar-jay.”
90.You know where every single one of the five million pharmacies are.
91.And you can’t believe there was just another one added.
92.You remember how pissed off everyone over 40 was when they heard about Hooter’s being built, despite the fact that Hooters is in York County, not Williamsburg.
93.You know what “Rhino Poop” is.
94.You went to Jamestown High and could bet money on a bomb threat happening at least once a day.
95.You remember when New town was just the new Corner Pocket.
96.You remember when the Jewish Mother caught on fire.
97.You know that the Prime Outlets was first called Berkley Commons.
98.You no longer have to go to the Patrick Henry Mall for Old Navy or any other good shopping.
99.You don’t have to go on the ghost tour to know Matthew Whaley is haunted.
100.You remember when feeding the animals at Waller Mill Park was allowed
101.You still are friends with someone you knew in kindergarten.
102.You remember what life was like before Wal-Mart, but you still shop there.
103.The Pottery used to be the only mall in town.
104.You can’t go out without running into someone you know.
105.You know that DOG Street has nothing to do with furry pets.
106.If you remember were Roses used to be.
107.If you remember when the Outlet Mall had more than 5 shops open in it.
108.If you remember when The Pottery was actually halfway decent looking, and you still wonder to this day why it maintains its status as a tourist attraction.
109.You remember when the Last Word was filled for weeks with nothing but parents arguing about whether or not “Pimp and Ho” Parties are appropriate.
110.You were most likely at said “Pimp and Ho” Party.
111.You know that the Colonial Parkway has three lanes- one for each direction of traffic and one for passing.
112.And you laugh and swear at people who drive 30 mph while driving in the middle of the three lanes.
113.When vacationing you never understood why everyone doesn’t have amusement parks 5 minutes away.
114.You take a field trip the Living Museum every year K-8.
115.A little kid asks where Miko is, and you say that you saw him in several bloody pieces across the road.
116.Or that you ran him over on your way to work/school/home that day.
117.And then you laugh when they start to cry.
118.You’ve memorized when Quota Time starts, ends, and where the prime locations are for the Quota to be filled.
119.And yet you’ve still managed to be pulled over.
120.And it’s rather likely that you were pulled over a few days later, as well, for the same violation.
121.You’ve done the same stupid thing several times, and yet you still do it anyways because it provides some entertainment.
122.You would follow the ghost tours at night and try to scare the tourists.
123.You swam out to the sandbar at College Creek, even though you knew people had died from the undercurrent before.
124.You go to the College Delly more often than the William and Mary students do.
125.Everyone you meet was born somewhere else.
126.You claim you hate the Last Word, but it’s the first thing you read when you get the paper.
127.It takes you five minutes to get out of a parking space because no one will let you out.
128.When you go to IHOP at the late/early hours it takes you hours to get your food and often walk out before it gets to you.
129.You know at least two places were the speed limit is 8 or 18 mph.
130.You’ve been stuck behind an old person in a Buick going 30 on 199.
131.You know the fireworks have three locations and you know where to stand to see all three.
132.You know which three fireworks were mentioned.
133.You go to one school, but your friend, who lives on the other side of the street, goes to a different one.
134.Extra points if they go to another school system.
135.You know how to pronounce Toano.
136.You know not to go on the parkway at night.
137.You think it’s funny that people actually visit CW and Jamestown.
138.It’s normal to wait 30 minutes to an hour in line at sno to go… and it’s worth it
139.You know what CW, FC, WF, BG, and WC are… and you’ve been to them all at least 5 times
140.If you go to LHS… class color day is the most important day of the year.
141.And every year the administration says there won’t be another one because of how horrible the behavior was.
142.You know where you can find a speed limit of 12 3/4
143.You know how to get to Richmond without using 64
144.You can tell what neighborhood people live in by the sticker on their bumper.
145.Your high school student lot had nicer cars than the teacher lot.
146.You know what “The Pile of Poop” is.
147.And you’ve played mini-golf there several times.
147.You have trouble remembering what the real name to “The Pile of Poop” is.
148.You know where you can find the speed limit 23 1/2.
149.Every one you know has taken at least 1 AP Class
150.You can name at least five people who shouldn’t have
151.You go to Yorktown Beach in the winter
152.You get offended when people say “its not a real beach”
153.You can pick out historical inaccuracies in movies.
154.You’ll stop watching a movie because of the historical inaccuracies.
155.You argued over the historical accuracy of Elizabeth Swan’s wedding dress in Pirates of the Caribbean
156.You know that both Thomas Jefferson and Jon Stewart hate WM.
157.You own something that says William and Mary on it even though you have no intention of actually going there.
158.The only reason someone goes out of state for college is because they got accepted into an Ivy League.
159.You don’t care about the Wren cross but want them to put it back so that way everyone will shut up!
160.Over half the population of your town are college students.
161.You’re more scared of stubbing your toe on a brick than you are of getting mugged.
162. The weather man may say one thing, but what actually happens is a completely different story.
163.You know that once the light turns yellow, you can fit at least four more cars through before it turns red.
164.The light is orange, not red.
165.You’ve used that excuse in court.
166.In the summer, you wish it was colder, and in the winter you wish it was summer.
167.You know that Williamsburg was voted in the Top 5 Places to retire in 2006 by Money Magazine.
168.You swim in the James River, despite the riptide warnings and knowing that it’s radioactive.
169.You explode the radioactive jellyfish at College Creek.
170.You know the best places to get your boom-boom on at College Creek.
171.You’ve never actually used any of those places.
172.But you’ve seen someone else using them.
173.You’ve had at least one teacher that talked to him or herself.
174.And you’ve participated in his or her conversations with him or herself.
175.You’ve had at least one of the Crawfords.
176.You know that there’s nothing to do after 9pm.
177.And yet you still manage to get yourself in trouble with either a business owner or the police.
178.While in CW, you curb your appetite on the free peanuts and the Peanut Shop.
179.You’ve straddled Thomas Jefferson.
180.You’ve also burned yourself on him in the process of straddling him.
181.You bask in 86* and sunny weather at the beach, then wake up five days later with an inch and a half of snow on the ground…and it’s still snowing…in April.
182.You forget when the last time Haynes had a “Half off everything” day. Not because it was a long time ago, but because they have some sort of huge sale three times a week.
183.You’ve taken a random road trip and ended up in the depths of New Kent.
184.You felt fine about being in New Kent because you knew it wasn’t hard to get back home.
185.You’ve figured out which stoplights have real cameras at them.
186.You know which cars are undercover cops because our police force has problems with hiding all of the equipment.
187.You give someone three different times as to how long it’s going to be before you get somewhere: one if there’s traffic, one if it’s steady traffic, and one of there’s NO ONE on the road.
188.You can’t understand why it took so long for the county supervisors to figure out that a third high school was, in fact, needed…about five years ago.
189.You give directions not by road names, but by landmarks. Example: Turn left at the Crown, then go about a mile, then turn left in front of the IHOP. Go over the bridge. Hooters is the second building on the right.
190.You aren’t getting the day off from school for Jamestown 400th because the schools like you. Oh no. It’s because the Jamestown 400th is renting the school buses for tourist transportation.
191.You’ll drive all the way over to Surrey to get gas that’s only 10 cents cheaper. But you enjoy the ferry ride!
192.You’ve gotten lost while driving IN Williamsburg, and somehow ended up at the Ferry, or in either York, Yorktown, or Newport News. Extra points if you end up in the middle of New Kent…without even knowing you were in New Kent.
193.You’ve been stuck in the “Four Minute Stoplight” for an excess of 8 minutes. Extra points if you’ve been stuck for more than 11 minutes.
194.You’ve been at the “Four Minute Stoplight” in the middle of the night, with no one around, looked both ways, and if there was no traffic in your immediate vicinity, went through the red light.
195.You’ve done #194 at any red light.
196.You speed up when the light turns yellow just so that you don’t have to wait…even if you end up running a red light.
197.You laugh at the tourists that freak out at the sight of those little black snakes. You then proceed to go pick it up and carry it over to them.
198.You think you tripped over a branch? Oh no no no. That was one of those little black snakes.
199.You’ve resorted to some form of illegal activity to amuse yourself, yet you’ve never been arrested.
200.You’ve mastered the art of lying to the cops.
201.You’ve been pulled over multiple times for the same infraction within a one-week time period.
202.You’ve filled out the “Best of Williamsburg” although you were under the age of 18. You just put in your parent’s name. Or just made one up.
203.You know I-64 traffic patterns so well that you can exactly time your trips according to the check-in times to the houses and hotels in the Outer Banks.
204.50% or more of your neighborhood is made up of the elderly.
205.You’ve been pulled over for listening to your music “too loudly.”
206.You’ve done donuts in at least one of the school parking lots.
207.You’ve given a campus cop the finger.
208.Girls: The William and Mary men’s cross-country team has been the cause of many of your near-accidents.
209.You can tell a friend that you’re at the place with trees by the flag and they have a general idea where you are.
210.You drive by what used to be an empty lot, and now there’s a new building there. But you don’t remember the construction of it.
212.You heard the story about the guys jumping off of the big bridge in Busch gardens.
213.You remember when the same guys lit off fireworks in the Walsingham Academy girls’ locker room later, and got expelled.
214.Those guys are your heroes.
215.You laugh every time you see the donut tire-marks in the St. Bede’s parking lot.
216.You remember when New Town was a big, pretty field.
217.You hear the words “move-in day” and cringe.
218.You hear “parent’s weekend” and do the same.
219.You know the book-mobile schedule.
220.You laughed when you heard about the greenleafe giving food poisoning to My Chemical Romance and Muse, as well as a huge wedding, and then getting depressed when you realize that no band would ever come back.
221.You miss the old movie theater, if only for the DDR machine.
222.You’ve seen the graffiti near the old movie theater and it never fails to make you laugh.
223.You know to what school the “dancing pigs” refers to.
224.You know someone who’s gone there, and you laugh at their uniforms.
225.You know that Queen Anne dairy snack, even while looking like a deserted trucker stop, has the best ice cream, burgers, fries, and onion rings in all of the east coast.
225.You’re sure that if kingsmill were to succeed from the united states, it could easily support itself.
226.You remember how awesome the Ice Storm was.
227.You hear that your bus has a double run and you cry because not only will you not get home for another hour and a half, but you’ll also have to sit at least three to a seat.
228.You flash your lights at other drivers to warn them of hidden cop cars.
229.You have been pulled over on Jamestown Road for speeding.
230.You’ve been pulled over right where the speed limit turns from 45 to 25 on Monticello.
231.You remember getting two weeks off for Hurricane Isabel.
232.You remember going to school on Saturday to make up for all of the lost days of school.
233.You remember having to go to school for 30 minutes extra every day for two months because of Isabel.
234.You refer to the Wawa in CW as the Wee-Wawa. It’s smaller than the average Wawa, but dammit, it’s trying!
235.Verizon has just about created a mobile-phone monopoly.
236.Your family is watching Jeopardy and someone gets asked a question on CW or Jamestown and everyone in the room answers it out loud.
237.The new Arby’s being built, was the old Arby’s, and since then its been a string of failed sandwich shops and eateries.
238.You remember they tore down the Taco Bell to build another Taco Bell on Richmond Road
239.You remember the green 7-11
240.When driving 199 or 60, you pass at least three people you know.
241.You remember the day Fabio got hit by a goose, and probably laughed.
242.If you’re a college kid, you come home for break and see all of your old friends within the first three days, but not because you planned it that way.
243.When you see a picture or TV ad for Williamsburg, and the Fife & Drum are in it, you look for people you know.

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John Womeldorf is Mr. Williamsburg, sharing his thoughts, real estate expertise, and “all things Williamsburg” in an effort to spread the word that Williamsburg and Hampton Roads, Virginia is the greatest place on earth to live!

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